One of my favorite books is Ecclesiastes. I was reading it the other day, and I came upon a section that made me laugh out loud.

“Look,” says the Teacher, “this is what I have discovered: “Adding one thing to another to discover the scheme of things–while I was still searching but not finding — I found one upright man among a thousand, but not one upright woman among them all.” –¬†Ecclesiastes 7:27-28

I wasn’t laughing out loud because I thought he was being sexist, or even because it came out of nowhere. I was laughing because it was true, and because it was written so eloquently!

Now if you’re a woman and you find this to be sexist, it’s only because you’re a hypocrite. I can’t count the times when I’ve been in a group setting, or even in church, and someone will say jokingly, “There’s no good men out there.” All the ladies either laugh in unison or clap at this incredibly original and witty joke that was just told. If you want laughs or approval from ladies, tell a self deprecating joke about men. Works every time. Men have been making billions of dollars telling this joke on sitcoms for 3 decades. We don’t care, as long as we get paid.

So to clarify, yes this statement is true, but so is the women’s contrapositive: I found one good woman among a thousand, but no good men.

How can both be true? I think it’s a matter of perspective. Men and women have different value systems than each other.

To a man things like honor, integrity, punctuality, and keeping your word mean a lot. I’ve noticed over the years that these things don’t mean that much to women, even the best women feel they can change their minds on a whim, and it’s just ok. Women tend to be able to justify any action, no matter how dishonorable. Women can do something bad, they always have an excuse, and think it justifies the actions. When men do something bad, we’ll at least admit it was wrong, but do it anyways because we’re assholes. There’s a reason William Congreve said, “Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned.”

For your Entertainment

To women love, communication, commitment, and fidelity are high priorities. I’m not sure I’m even getting this list right because women don’t make any sense to me – even my semi-divine powers of observation may fail me here. On the other hand, these things aren’t so high on the priority of most men.

Yoga Pants

Seriously, I’m about as stand-up-dude as you can get, yet there’s this evil part of me, like the teacher, that secretly craves a Harem of women. Maybe it’s my genes, maybe it’s evolution, but my grandfathers each had two wives. My great grandfather on my mother’s side had 25 wives. Now I know better than to act on such things, but to be frank and honest, it’s there. That’s why God gave us pre-frontal cortexes, so we don’t act like idiots.

My fiancee knows about it. We talk about it and joke about it. I think any man that is not afraid to be honest with his woman would admit to this unexplainable and inescapable reptile-brain desire. I told my fiancee that the gym can be the worst place to be sometimes, especially with the advent of yoga pants! Excuse me one moment: *makes the sign of the cross*. I take her with me as often as I can.

Conclusion

So why do men think there’s no good women, and women think there’s no good men? Because we judge each other based on our own value systems. Men will never measure up to a value system that prioritizes sitting around a table and talking about problems with so and so, and drama, and emotions, and fashion. Women will never measure up to a value system that requires them to be logical. *Drum and Snare*

Ecclesiastes isn’t being sexist. It’s using poetic hyperbole to explain how men feel.